Starmer Accuses Belfast Protesters of Cultural Appropriation

The outrage began after a Sudanese national allegedly tried to behead a local Briton with a machete on camera.

The Sudanese suspect entered the UK in February 2023, got leave to remain until 2028, and now faces attempted murder charges.

The victim, Stephen Ogilvie, is still in a bad way in hospital.

After years of grooming gang scandals, spectacular integration fails, a knife crime epidemic, and special two-tier policing flavour, the working-class lads of East and North Belfast finally reached their limit. Houses - widely suspected to be HMOs packed with asylum seekers, cars, and even a Glider bus went up in flames along the Lower Newtownards Road, Crumlin Road, and nearby streets.

Starmer’s take? The natives are the ones out of order for borrowing a bit of fire.

He declared: “The scenes in Belfast are sickening. These natives have no right to appropriate the rich traditions of integration we’ve imported. Arson? Knife crime? That’s their culture. Stick to complaining about the weather, you bigots.”

Never mind the graphic video that’s been viewed millions of times - the real problem, according to Starmer, is the response.

Sources close to the Prime Minister whisper that officials are “deeply concerned” about cultural theft.

“For years we’ve told people that mass migration brings wonderful new customs. Now these working-class oiks in East and North Belfast are copying them. It’s deeply offensive and, quite frankly, racist,” said one anonymous mandarin.

Starmer’s office has announced a new task force to combat this dangerous trend.