SCI/TECH

SCI/TECH

vlgr Jun 9, 2026

Starmer Declares War on European Summer: Your Phone Now Scans Every Bikini and Calls It Child Porn

Client-side scanning on every UK phone, default on. Holiday snaps, beach photos, family holidays in Spain - all getting checked. Nothing protects children like turning the entire population’s cameras into state snitches. Meanwhile the real grooming networks partied for years while the authorities were busy not being racist.

SCI/TECH

vlgr Jun 9, 2026

Ursula von der Leyen’s promises hope on World Brain Cancer Day

Her Persistence Is Truly Inspirational: She lost a court ruling about €35 billion in vanished text messages regarding the Pfizer deal, got 80% of Europeans to take part in a human Gentech experiment, and still manages to shine brightly from her unelected post of President of the European Commission - for which European taxpayers provide her with roughly €400,000 per year plus residence, full staff, security detail, travel and a generous lifelong pension.

SCI/TECH

vlgr Jun 7, 2026

EU Accidentally Builds Digital Social Credit System That Cannot Be Used For Surveillance

Brussels officials reassured citizens that the new architecture is completely safe, because no single institution will monitor everything at once unless future legislation, emergency powers, banking rules, private contractors or law enforcement require it.

SCI/TECH

vlgr Jun 7, 2026

Tesla Denies Warranty Claim After Roadster Found To Be 140 Million Miles From Nearest Service Center

AUSTIN, TX - Tesla has officially denied a warranty claim on Elon Musk’s 2008 Roadster after technicians determined the vehicle was “slightly outside the approved service area,” by which they meant it is currently orbiting the sun.

SCI/TECH

vlgr Jun 5, 2026

Goodbye American Burger Culture: Bill Gates Announces Upside Foods’ New Cultured Tank-Beef Cells Will Save the Day After Screwworm Maggots Finish Off Real Cows

Texas ranchers woke up this week to the horrifying news that the New World Screwworm - flesh-eating maggots that burrow into living cow tissue - has officially returned after a 60-year vacation. The first confirmed case hit a baby calf in Zavala County, right in the belly button. Ranchers are panicking. Is the American burger officially dead?

SCI/TECH

vlgr Jun 4, 2026

EU Scientists Bring Mpox to America - Exactly as Predicted in Their Own Lancet Paper

Two foreign-national researchers at America’s premier high-containment virology lab have been federally charged with personally importing the very mpox clade they had just warned the world was coming.

SCI/TECH

vlgr May 29, 2026

“Rockets Are Hard”: Blue Origin Pivots to Sub-Orbital Confetti Delivery as Prime Subscription Prices Skyrocket

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL - In what Blue Origin is calling “a rapid unscheduled atmospheric enhancement,” the company’s long-awaited New Glenn rocket treated spectators to a fireworks display Wednesday night - while still firmly bolted to the launch pad.

SCI/TECH

vlgr May 26, 2026

Vatican Encyclical Declares War on Skynet, Prescribes Expanded State Control as Remedy

The Vatican has finally noticed artificial intelligence. Humanity needed Rome to confirm that building thinking machines for billionaires, militaries, and advertising companies might not end in world piece. In Magnifica Humanitas, Pope Leo XIV looks at the rise of AI and essentially says: this is not a tool, this is Skynet in a Patagonia vest.

SCI/TECH

vlgr May 22, 2026

Europe Shocked As Gonorrhoea And Syphilis Make Huge 1940s Style Comeback

Europe is experiencing a spectacular renaissance of two ancient, easily preventable STDs: gonorrhoea and syphilis. Yes, the same diseases we’ve been able to zap with a single shot of antibiotics since your grandparents were in nappies are now staging the mother of all encores.

SCI/TECH

vlgr May 22, 2026

Google Publishes Browser Exploit Early So Hackers Don’t Have To Waste Time Finding It Themselves

Google released working exploit details for a serious Chromium vulnerability before offering a fix, possibly turning your $2,000 gaming PC into a loyal, always-on foot soldier for whoever feels like borrowing your bandwidth.