# GLOBALHEALTH

# GLOBALHEALTH

vlgr Jun 9, 2026

Ursula von der Leyen’s promises hope on World Brain Cancer Day

Her Persistence Is Truly Inspirational: She lost a court ruling about €35 billion in vanished text messages regarding the Pfizer deal, got 80% of Europeans to take part in a human Gentech experiment, and still manages to shine brightly from her unelected post of President of the European Commission - for which European taxpayers provide her with roughly €400,000 per year plus residence, full staff, security detail, travel and a generous lifelong pension.

# GLOBALHEALTH

vlgr Jun 5, 2026

Goodbye American Burger Culture: Bill Gates Announces Upside Foods’ New Cultured Tank-Beef Cells Will Save the Day After Screwworm Maggots Finish Off Real Cows

Texas ranchers woke up this week to the horrifying news that the New World Screwworm - flesh-eating maggots that burrow into living cow tissue - has officially returned after a 60-year vacation. The first confirmed case hit a baby calf in Zavala County, right in the belly button. Ranchers are panicking. Is the American burger officially dead?

# GLOBALHEALTH

vlgr Jun 4, 2026

EU Scientists Bring Mpox to America - Exactly as Predicted in Their Own Lancet Paper

Two foreign-national researchers at America’s premier high-containment virology lab have been federally charged with personally importing the very mpox clade they had just warned the world was coming.

# GLOBALHEALTH

vlgr May 26, 2026

Ebola Betting Pool 2026: Bookies Open Odds on Europe’s First Imported Panic, Italy Disqualified After Submitting Dysentery

The markets are LIVE. With the Bundibugyo strain doing the Congo two-step across DRC and Uganda, every respectable offshore bookie has opened the books on the hottest new prop bet since “Will France Burn This Summer?”

# GLOBALHEALTH

vlgr May 22, 2026

Europe Shocked As Gonorrhoea And Syphilis Make Huge 1940s Style Comeback

Europe is experiencing a spectacular renaissance of two ancient, easily preventable STDs: gonorrhoea and syphilis. Yes, the same diseases we’ve been able to zap with a single shot of antibiotics since your grandparents were in nappies are now staging the mother of all encores.

# GLOBALHEALTH

vlgr May 17, 2026

WHO Drops “Ebola: The Remix” After Mpox and Hantavirus Fail to Chart

Geneva, May 17, 2026 - The World Health Organization has officially declared a Public Health Emergency of International Concern (PHEIC) for Bundibugyo ebolavirus in the Democratic Republic of the Congo’s Ituri Province - just days after a tiny hantavirus outbreak on a cruise ship barely trended on X and months after the MPox sequel quietly left theaters.

# GLOBALHEALTH

vlgr May 13, 2026

A New Pandemic Just Dropped – And the Same COVID All-Stars Are Back on Tour

Pack up the sourdough starters and dust off the good sweatpants, folks - the gang’s all here again! Just when we thought society might force us to touch grass forever, Andes virus (ANDV) has graciously stepped up to deliver the sequel we’ve all been quietly manifesting.

# GLOBALHEALTH

vlgr May 7, 2026

WHO’s Latest Gift to the Plebs: Another Apocalyptic Scare, Courtesy of a Rat-Infested Cruise Ship

The WHO, that noble humanitarian body perpetually one budget cycle away from bankruptcy - especially now that the US has left and other countries eyeing the exit door - has once again stepped up to serve: a fresh, made-to-order apocalyptic scare, this time they’ve delivered it gift-wrapped on a floating retirement home called the MV Hondius.

# GLOBALHEALTH

vlgr May 6, 2026

Big Pharma Stocks Plummet as UN Exercise Reveals Next Pandemic Is Bacterial: "Our mRNA Can't Fix That"

NEW YORK - In a stunning new development that has left pharmaceutical executives reaching for their emergency ventilators, Moderna and Pfizer have reportedly filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after the United Nations and WHO's latest pandemic simulation exercise, Exercise Polaris II, confirmed the next global health crisis will be caused by a bacterium rather than a virus.

# GLOBALHEALTH

vlgr Mar 10, 2026

GERMANY | BioNTech Founders Bail: 'We Want to Pioneer Again'

Uğur Şahin, the man who gifted the world the fastest-approved 'vaccine' in history, is stepping down to start a fresh mRNA playground. Totally unrelated to the millions allegedly damaged by the first one, of course.