POLITICS

Europe’s Cultural Enrichment Program Delivers: Ancient Beheading Rituals Make a Triumphant Comeback

The real cultural exchange is happening on the streets. From a quiet suburb near Florence to the avenues of Belfast, new arrivals are generously reintroducing Europe to a time-honored practice that predates the Enlightenment, the guillotine, and whatever “human rights” nonsense we used to believe in.

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Europe’s Cultural Enrichment Program Delivers: Ancient Beheading Rituals Make a Triumphant Comeback

ITALY:

In February 2026, in the Italian town of Scandicci, a 44-year-old German woman living on the margins was found decapitated in an abandoned building.


The suspect: a 29-year-old Moroccan man, also homeless, with a documented history of drug issues and mental health interventions. The two knew each other. There was a quarrel. A machete was involved. Italian authorities treated it as a personal dispute.


IRELAND:

Fast-forward to June 2026 in north Belfast.

A 30-year-old Sudanese asylum seeker allegedly pinned a local man to the ground and went to work on his head and neck with a kitchen knife in what witnesses and footage described as an attempted beheading.


The victim lost an eye and sustained serious wounds.

The attacker has been charged with attempted murder.

Police say it is not terrorism.

Parts of Belfast subsequently went slightly less multicultural for a night or two.


Other cases:


UK:

Woolwich, London, May 22, 2013:

British soldier Lee Rigby was deliberately run over by a car, then hacked and stabbed repeatedly with knives and a meat cleaver.

The attackers - Michael Adebolajo and Michael Adebowale, British citizens of Nigerian descent who converted to Islam - attempted to decapitate him.

Islamist terrorism motivated by opposition to UK foreign policy; they made statements at the scene. Both convicted of murder and terrorism offenses.


FRANCE:

Saint-Étienne-du-Rouvray, Normandy, July 26, 2016:

86-year-old Catholic priest Father Jacques Hamel was murdered during Mass.

His throat was slit - widely reported as beheading or attempted beheading.


Two attackers - Adel Kermiche, 19, French of Algerian/North African background, and Abdel Malik Petitjean - took hostages and shouted "Allahu Akbar."

ISIS claimed responsibility. Islamist terror attack; both attackers shot dead by police.


Conflans-Sainte-Honorine/Éragny area near Paris, October 16, 2020:

History teacher Samuel Paty was followed from school and beheaded with a cleaver on the street.


Perpetrator: Abdoullakh Anzorov, 18-year-old Chechen Muslim (refugee/asylum background in France).

Motive: Islamist retaliation after Paty showed Muhammad cartoons in a class on freedom of speech.

Anzorov shouted "Allahu Akbar," posted images of the severed head online, and was shot dead by police. Several accomplices/inciters later convicted.


GERMANY:

July 2021, Regen, Bavaria:

A Somali asylum seeker named Mursal Mohamed Seid murdered a 52-year-old fellow resident at a homeless shelter. He stabbed the victim 111 times with a knife before beheading him (reports also noted the intestines spilling out while the man was still alive).

Seid was sentenced in 2022 to indefinite psychiatric detention. In August 2024 he was allowed an escorted cinema visit and escaped. He remains a person of interest. The perpetrator arrived in Germany as an asylum seeker.


AUSTRIA:

Despite years of enthusiastic participation in the European enrichment project and generous asylum policies, the Alpine Republic has so far failed to deliver a single major public beheading. Locals are reportedly feeling left behind in the vibrant new traditions sweeping the continent. Some are beginning to wonder whether they are doing diversity wrong.


Europol’s 2025 EU terrorism report says that in 2024 EU member states reported 24 jihadist attacks, six completed and 18 foiled, with completed attacks in France, Germany, Ireland, and the Netherlands.

~~


These incidents arrive against the well-documented historical backdrop that beheading was once the standard capital punishment under classical Islamic law, features in Quranic verses about striking the necks of enemies in battle, and carries a famous precedent from the Prophet’s own time involving the Banu Qurayza.


Beheading was once standard practice across Europe as well. For centuries the axe and sword were used for public executions of traitors, heretics, and criminals in England, France, the German lands, and the Italian states. The guillotine itself remained the official method of capital punishment in France until 1977.


What we are seeing now is therefore less the sudden arrival of something entirely foreign than the return of an older, pre-Enlightenment European tradition.


Officials welcomed the developments as “further proof that migration is a net positive for Europe’s cultural heritage.”


The next diversity target will include at least one public beheading per member state by 2028, with extra points awarded for live-streaming and authentic regional accents.

Sources

This is a satirical piece. vlgr is not a real news outlet - it's parody and exaggeration for entertainment purposes only.
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