IRAN | Peace Station Azizam Destroys Israeli Space Laser – Mars Rover Next

Tehran announced on Saturday that its Peace Station Azizam, described by officials as "the most peaceful space battle station in history", had destroyed the Israeli space laser satellite. As proof, the state news agency IRNA released a dramatic short video showing a flash, debris, and a Star of David spinning slowly into the void.

Following the operation, the station was officially renamed "Azizam the Victorious". The Revolutionary Guard added that Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei had been personally overseeing the station, which explains where he has been all this time.

Speaking on the Supreme Leader's behalf, Parliament Speaker Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf declared the operation "a victory as great as the American midterms" and, naturally, a reason to rule out any peace concessions.

Tehran also stated that Azizam carried no chemical weapons, only rose perfume.

The mission has since been named Operation Orbit Hammer.

The following day, an Iranian newspaper printed a picture of Azizam next to one of Abdul El-Sayed under the headline "Trump's double nightmare". Tehran congratulated American voters for "choosing peace" and announced Azizam 2.

Later, the Revolutionary Guard announced that it had lifted its self-imposed limit of 2,000 kilometres on the range of its ballistic peace missiles.

With the range limit gone, Azizam could now reach the Mars rover.

"No American vehicle is safe anywhere in the solar system," a spokesman said.

Then we woke up.