Evil Americans Unleash American COVID on Defenceless Britain

British media are sounding the alarm over an American COVID variant spreading across the country.

The virus, apparently dissatisfied with infecting Americans, has crossed the Atlantic to threaten British citizens.

The variant, known as XFG or Stratus, has been circulating for months.

For years, calling COVID the "Chinese virus" was considered deeply problematic. Now, the Americans have their own variant. Experts have yet to determine whether the pathogen also carries a US passport, votes Republican, or entered Britain disguised as a tourist.

Downing Street has not yet announced whether Prime Minister Andy Burnham will demand an apology from Donald Trump, impose emergency tariffs on American microorganisms, or summon the US ambassador.

Meanwhile, the UK Health Security Agency continues to classify overall COVID activity as low, demonstrating its complete failure to appreciate the seriousness of an American invasion.

The White House has yet to confirm whether American COVID will be included in the next US–UK trade agreement.